-- a journey into awareness
When Shiva, our sweet cat died, this poem came to me:
Love fiercely,
Let your heart break
It’s then that Life
knows its worth.*
I think Shiva whispered these words in my ear. She was letting me know how letting myself feel such love, even for a moment, is what life is all about. And yes, that means feeling the grief and pain when something or someone you love leaves you.
Love fiercely! Again and again. Life demands it, and you’ll have no regrets.
* Shiva via besliter 8/11/14
We recently had the inside of our house painted. In the process we decided to take down the chandelier in the kitchen. It was left over from before our kitchen remodel that added an center island/eating counter. The chandelier really had no function any more. It hung where once there was a table. Now it was in the pathway of those who walked through, occasionally bonking folks on the head if they came too close.
We replace it with a recessed light. It looks great. We both love it.
For the next several days my husband kept saying how much he had disliked that old chandelier; 
how much he was glad to have it gone. After several days it hit me, on some level the chandelier had drained his energy every time he looked at it. He tolerated it but it bothered him. And what’s more, he had no longer noticed that it bothered him. Toleration numbs you out. The contrast when he talk about the new light was stark. He was vibrant.
I asked him where else he might be tolerating something? Areas where he’s pushed aside his desire for something because it was impractical or the wrong time. Areas where he’s “making do.” Often tolerations aren’t big things, e.g., a lighting fixture, but they are slow leaks in terms of our vitality.
What are you tolerating?
Either we love something or not; either we care about something or not. If you don’t love or care about it, why do you have it? Why spend your precious time on it? What are you tolerating? It’s may be time to let go.
tol er ate (Merriam-Webster)
: to allow (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc.) to exist, happen, or be done
: to experience (something harmful or unpleasant) without being harmed
: to put up with
We are creators, too often lulled into amnesia by the stress of life.
We don’t see the choices we make that wear us out, that move us away from what we care about. Instead, 
we tell ourselves we “have to (fill in the blank).” We let circumstances, and the demands of others, control our lives.
Choosing life is about stepping up and making clear choices to do, or not to do, something. It’s being true to ourselves; to take the risk of saying “No.” And, if we say “Yes,” it’s staying clear why we chose to do it and doing our best.
NOTE: If you’re letting something drain your energy, my guess is you lied to yourself about choosing to do it. Try again 🙂
1) Make a list: Where do I need to say “No” ? What do I need to let go? (a hated project, old clothes, obligatory relationships, volunteer activities, jobs….)
2) Do it!
Creating Works: have a good life.
Saturday afternoon I was driving with my husband, just knocking around, seeing what we could see. We decided to take back roads and drive north as much as possible. A GPS is a great tool for this sort of meandering road trip. We 
were enjoying the 60 degree day and the sun which had been absent far too many days this winter. So we drove, feeling the sun’s warmth, looking at houses, trees, small towns. I was happy and thought to myself, “How lucky I am!”
As soon as the thought registered I noticed a certain unease. “I’m lucky now but this could go away. Lucky could become unlucky.” It was subtle but luck suggested that what I do doesn’t matter. That a roll of the dice determines outcomes. It was “just luck.” Really?
I decided to shift to “I’m grateful: grateful for my husband, the warm sun, the car with a sun roof, the ability to take off and drive for the sheer fun of it.” This felt totally different. Appreciating what I had in the moment made it richer. I felt richer. I was richer.
How we think matters. To think of ourselves as “just lucky,” is to discount the power 
of our own imaginings, our thoughts, intellect and choices. These are the tools we’re born with to co-create our lives on earth. How we think about something actually changes our experience of it. Words matter. Would you rather be lucky or grateful?
We are co-creators, learning to live more skillfully.
In .04 seconds, what can happen?
A smile;
A knife cut;
A bee sting;
A “thank you” said;
You’re on or off the podium.
Last night in the Women’s Olympic Skeletal event, Katie Uhlaender, United States, lost the Bronze medal to Elena Nikitina, Russia, by 0.04 seconds; that’s 4/100 of a second.
In what seemed like an eye blink, Katie, a great athlete, was off the podium.
World class athletes are used to winning or losing by seconds. Competing at that level, they know everything counts. They train and give their all knowing some small movement, a sudden wind, a distraction, rough spot, or something else they can’t control could make the .04 difference. Yesterday it did and Elena, another great athlete, won.
It made me wonder, where in my life could there be a “.04 difference”? And more importantly, how would I go forward when it happened? Uhlaender vowed to rebound.
Here’s to great athletes everywhere! Who keep doing what they love. Sochi Olympics, February, 2014
In a recent Forbes article, HR Managers were advised to focus on “talent management.” Sounds reasonable given the information age, internet and the competitive need for creativity, but I find myself asking, “Who wants to be treated as talent to be managed?”
It reminds me of factory workers in the early 1900’s who were seen as extensions of the machine to be optimized. 
Although the world has changed, articles like Forbe’s suggest we are still seeing employees as “cogs in the organizational machinery,” talented cogs to be sure, but cogs. And therein lies a problem.
As long as HR Managers (and senior Leaders) see people as company assets to be optimized, we’ll continue to create environments that kill the human spirit. Employees will remain disposable parts, abstract concepts to be planned for, controlled and manipulated. CEOs and organizational hierarchy will continue to see themselves separate from the “masses.”
But different models are emerging, each the result of the beliefs, personal passion. and unique circumstances of their creators. In each example people are, well people, not assets. 
Here are some of my favorite out-of-the-box examples: Ricardo Semler’s Maverick: The Success Story Behind the World’s Most Unusual Workplace
It started when my husband needed to replace an electrical outlet behind one of my two crammed bookcases. I emptied all the books into the middle of my office floor so the bookcase would be light enough to move away from the wall. 
When it was time to move the books back, I decided I should go through them and pare down. As for criteria, I would consider: Do I refer to them? Will I re-read them? Sounded simple enough.
But when I turned to the pile I froze. Some of these books influenced me greatly. I was sentimental about them. “Molecules of Emotions” by Candice Pert, “The Mind of the Strategist” by Kenichi Ohmae, Marvin Weisbord’s “Organizational Diagnosis,” “Everyday Miracles” by David Spangler, “Focusing” by Eugene Gendlin, M.Scott Myers’ “Every Employee a Manager, “How to make Meetings Work” by Doyle and Straus. There were Enneagram books, coaching books, self-help books, Spiritual books.
My fondness for these physical books made me wonder what magical powers I’d attributed to their printed pages. In a sense, these books defined me. Sitting on shelves, they were visible signposts of my journey through life. I appreciated their gifts. They seemed like faithful friends.
But going through them, I realized that over the years I’ve incorporated their ideas into my own understanding and way of working. I didn’t need them any more as testimony to my own learning, nor as talismans against my own deficiencies.
I began to appreciate what I now knew; the knowledge I carried within me. It was not only OK to let the books go, it was time. So I sorted and got sacks ready to take to Half Priced Books.
May someone else find them as helpful as I did.
I was excited about creating a new fireplace mantle.
After my epiphany in February, I started calling masons, stone workers, even outside garden designers. I stopped in any place that remotely 
looked like they could do stone work. But I found that no one was interested in tackling this sadly stained fireplace. I explored fireplace facings, but none were designed to cover the length of the wall as our mantle did. I began to see my hopes of a mantle I really liked fade. I was running out of options.
Finally Tom, a brick works chimney guy, responded to my queries. He was a burly guy sporting a substantial beard and wearing overalls. He seemed a “no frills” but reliable type. He said, “For two hundred I can replace the middle limestone piece.” I thought, “Well, I haven’t had much luck finding any other approach. It would be cheap and get rid of the stain.” I said, “Put me on the schedule.” He said he would. Then, I never heard from him again.
Dismayed, there was more searching, calling and asking around. Gary was a construction-type handyman. He asked me to send him some pictures. Excited, I sent my best iPhone shots. He emailed back and said for $600 he’d replace all three 4.5 ft top sections. “It was a better way to go,” he said, “since new stone wouldn’t necessarily match.” OK, this would at least get me back to how the mantle originally looked, better than nothing. “Put me on your schedule.” I never heard from him again.
By now 6 months had passed and I was discouraged. “It will never get fixed!” I thought as I sullenly stared at the stained mantle. I never liked the mantle. It wasn’t particularly attractive and the top was too narrow to easily put things on. I sighed! Should I just leave it? If we ever sell the house the new owner could tear it out.
It was then I realized I’d drifted from creating a fireplace mantle I’d like, to desperately trying to find someone, anyone, who could make the stain go away. I was no longer creating. My frustration pushed me into reacting against; getting rid of the stain. I refocused. I didn’t know how to make it happen but I wasn’t going to give up on a beautiful mantle. I could feel my energy shift. I was feeling lighter and more adventurous.
Once again I spent time Googling everyone from masons to decorative rock folks. But this time I was open to alternatives. A friend’s brother had just redone his flagstone fireplace and recommended Don Weiss, the guy he used.
I looked up Don’s website. He did creative tile art. His work was beautiful so I called. From the start his energy was different. He really looked at the mantle. He looked at the damage and the whole wall. He recommended a limestone facing. I was almost disappointed it wasn’t tile but thought, “Well, give this a chance.” He sent me drawings of the pieces he’d need and a price tag of $900.
Looking at the drawings I couldn’t figure out how it would come together. I made a cardboard mock up that looked bulky and stuck out way too far. I emailed him with my concerns. He came back to the house and explained that there would be a curve in the front piece that would mirror the cove ceiling. He assured me it wouldn’t stick out too far. He had an artistic touch no one else had and I trusted him. We agreed to go ahead.
He fit me into his schedule and arrived with one of his workman. 
Two days later it was finished. It was beautiful! Not only did I like it, I loved it!
I was reminded again of the power of creating something you want vs. reacting to what you don’t like: the importance of holding your vision even when you don’t know how it’s going to happen; of not giving up!
Creating works!
The examining rooms were all filled. My husband and I were waiting for the eye Doctor to arrive, to peer into his eyes and decide if all was well. I couldn’t shake the cattle car feeling. We were waiting to optimize his schedule not ours. I was irritated, very irritated.
How many of you would say, “Of course, I hate when Doctors do that”? From one perspective this response is understandable. However, from a creating perspective, it doesn’t. I was allowing circumstances to determine my experience of life. Would I choose to sit around and be irritated? Would I choose to put that negativity though my body. No!
I thought waiting meant that we weren’t important enough. I had the expectation that a caring Doctor wouldn’t have us wait. I was judging and taking the whole thing personally.
I could have been aware of the situation without judging and without taking it personally. I could have decided how I wanted to be (e.g, relaxed) and then decided if there was something I needed to do (e.g., go out and ask when he might be coming, express my concern if I really had to get out of there by a certain time, get something to read, meditate ).
As a co-creator of life, I know that the quality of my life, my life experience, is my choice. What am I choosing now? What are you choosing?
Driving home through the country, a butterfly flew too close to the car. Sucked in by the car’s momentum, it hit the car and died. Miles down the road it happened again. I hated that I was a part of these fragile
, beautiful creatures’ demise.
Then, a few days later coming home from a meeting, a Cardinal flew into my windshield. The loud crack let me know it couldn’t have survived.
Stunned, I wondered if these events were connected; a message from the Universe that I was supposed to understand. That to be alive means that at times we inadvertently kill things? That life is fragile? That I can’t ultimately protect the people and things I care about?
Or, maybe it’s that things just happen; what is, is? The Universe gently letting me know that I’m not always in control of what happens, but I can always choose how I respond to it?
At the end of the day I settle for compassion and a sense of awe at the beauty and fragility of life. Tomorrow? Who knows.