Practice

If I see one more
“Vote No” sign
For the issue
I hold so dear
I will scream

I go into my head
And make up rebuttals
Brilliant ones
That show
the hypocrisy
of the other

I’m trapped
in this world
of separation

This is the paradox of living in a world of cause and effect. One where we create and, at the same time, are affected by the creations of others. What we control is our state of being. Can I be at peace in the midst of something? Or, am I controlled by the actions and manipulations of others.

Anger can bring one to take action. But it can also, as we continue to tell stories about what triggered our anger, bring us to rage, violence, hatred, and of course my favorite, self-righteousness.

I’m learning that when you come from love and being centered, you can still say “no”, “enough” “stop!” And you can still see the other as part of the One, which they are. You are energetically connected, you’re impacting each other. Don’t turn them into that separate “Other” and think your anger doesn’t hurt them or isn’t hurting you.

So, when I go off in my head, I learning to shift to my center by: breathing more consciously, repeating a mantra I learned a long time ago, humming, by thinking of my cat curled in my lap or, just by smiling.

These days there are plenty of opportunities to practice shifting to being centered. And each time I do, I believe I’m contributing to the kind of world I want to see. I’m being the kind of person I want to be.

Be Happy

It’s the end of August
Official month of
“It’s ok to say you are happy”

I’m not a “Debbie Downer”
or, in my case, a
Barbie Bummer

I stand for the right
To be happy in the midst
Of world chaos

I watch the sky
Pet animals
Smile at people I don’t know

Paying attention
I read headlines but
I stay with facts

Drama helps no one
Being scared and worrying
Changes nothing

Thoughts become things
What we believe we become
Where we focus we follow

All life is precious
I find beauty and
good everywhere

Peace is a choice
I ask and I’m guided
And, I believe Love will Prevail

Sad Today

The sadness comes unbidden
Followed by anger flowing
Back into the abyss of sadness
Why is love so hard
My heart wants to split open but
I stop it
Staying caught in the cycle
Trying to stay in control
Will I ever learn?

Letting go, letting the tears come, feeling the losses, letting the world be as crazy as it is…. Keening is what I want to do but I don’t know how.
So, I let myself feel. Being in the moment can be hard sometimes.

I write this and wait…breathing, until it changes.

Happy Independence Day!

May you be free from self-doubt
May you be free from the judgements of others
May you be free from false beliefs
May you be free from fear
May you be free from needing to judge others
May you be free from the cultural stereotypes imposed on you
May you be free from anything that stops you from love and being at peace

Be your sacred and precious true Self !

In Chaotic Times

“You must fight, take sides,
WIN!”
Join the drama….

The body holds me back
Keeping me safe
I don’t share I’m
not buying into the struggle
Because being happy in the midst of…
It’s not how “we” do

I believe it’s not about “Being Right”,
it’s about “Being Here,” breathing deeply
Feeling into my heart.
Relaxing does not mean not caring
Being happy & seeing the good
Doesn’t mean ignoring pain

Without my Centering Heart
My head goes into overdrive
Overwhelm moves into my chest
And the heaviness stops my breath
And then the world is a threat, others
Are a threat.

So, I’m learning
Breath, relax, trust
Become aware of my heart
And listen to the inner voice
It’s rooted in love and wisdom
It’s my hope and what the world needs

I’m committed to doing what is mine to do. My heart knows. I just have to listen.

SINGLE

A simple word, yet
It had escaped me
I’m not alone, not a widow
I’m single!

Freeing in a way I don’t understand
Not wounded, not left behind
But standing as one, as ONE
Connecting deeply to myself

Connecting to a bigger whole
I’m free to start again with
New interests, friends…
As I am now…single.

In conversation with my friend Lee Ann, she said something. She didn’t see me alone, I was single. And something happened. I could feel an internal shift. I felt grounded.
I was myself again, rooted into the earth, free to blossom.

It’s crazy I know! But I’m going with the feeling, trusting this shift is real. Another stage in life, a continuation of this incredible journey. Joseph is still with me, laughing I suspect and cheering me on. Love never stops even as life changes. And maybe nothing changes but me.

May Anger

Anger bubble up
Always a surprise
Why am I so easily upset
Impatient, annoyed?

The energy of days past
Losses I think are not
controlled by the Calendar
seem to have their way with me.

Once again I connect the dots
And let myself feel the
Sadness, the loss, the
Anger at having been left.

I’m always surprised that when it gets near the dates that my daughter, Kelly (May12, 2016), and my husband, Joseph’s (May22, 2017), died that my emotions get weird. I’ve been irritable, even swearing in situations that might have been difficult before but now seem absolutely “NOT OK!!!!”.

At least I’m quicker to see what’s going on. So, here I am, allowing myself to feel the loss and, yes, the anger that I got left alone. Silly? No, human. Grief is what it is. I’m learning it is not always rational, but whatever I’m feeling is ok…I need to allow it, feel it, not tell more stories about it…just let it go.

To life, love and all it’s crazy paradoxes and mysteries.

Still There, Still Here

I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments

But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.

I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.

Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.

Birth Anniversary

Celebrate your Self coming into form,
Celebrate the love given and received,
It’s a chance to say, “What now?”
Knowing you are here today
because of all the other
birth anniversaries, and because of
all that happened in between.
The Birth Day followed
by all the Living Days.
Each day equally important,
propelling you on the path
called life.

I spent my birth anniversary (called a birthday) with friends, both in person and via the loving messages in cards and calls I received. I felt full, cared about and glad to be alive. I’m gently reminded there will be a Death Day. So I’m grateful for each day and choose to live it fully.

Happy Birth Anniversary! Happy Life!

Do You Protect What you Love?

Zookeeper Chad

What do I love?
Family and my
Friends, my cat,
Trees, dancing,
1on1 conversations,
Writing, walking,
Watching the sky,
Feet in the dirt
And sometimes someone
for no good reason.

Does God love or
Is God’s love
expressing through
every living thing,
the earth, the cosmos…
Is God expressing
love through me?

Does God protect what God loves?

I like Zookeeper Chad*. He is trying to show us the wonderful animals he works with so we can love them. Then, if we love them, he hopes we will work to protect them. To me that means stop doing them harm, e.g., stop taking away their natural habitats, stop hunting them for sport or profit, watch what we buy/support, supporting them through our policies and laws.

We are conscious human beings who create our lives through our thinking, emotions, beliefs and choices. We were created with free will for a reason. We grow through experiencing life and through understanding the consequences of our thinking, our beliefs, and choices. Being protected against our own ignorance, selfishness, self-hatred, doesn’t lead to our growth. Being loved through it all does. God loves us.

*Zookeeper Chad https://www.featherdale.com.au/zookeeper-chad/