Words don’t comfort me
My sense of self is fading
My mind stalls
Fear of rejection,
need for approval
seep out in the confusion.
I know this is a test.
Giving up or standing
in the truth of who
I am beyond conditioning,
beyond the fears ,
beyond the comfortable.
Trust ….I never used to
Now I do but still…….
I’m restless
How hard can it be
to rewire a brain? a heart?
a life?
A period of dormancy – a seed waiting:
“It turns out that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grow into a hundred-year-old tree: there are only ways that work and ways that do not.
A seed knows how to wait. Most seeds wait for at least a year before starting to grow; a cherry seed can wait for a hundred years with no problem. What exactly each seed is waiting for is known only to that seed. Some unique trigger-combination of temperature-moisture-light and many other things is required to convince a seed to jump off the deep end and take its chance—to take its one and only chance to grow…
…When you are in the forest, for every tree that you see, there are at least a hundred more trees waiting in the soil, alive and fervently wishing to be…
from “Lab Girl “ by Hope Jehren
Thanks to Improvised Life for this reminder: https://www.improvisedlife.com/2016/06/13/the-secret-treasure-within-lab-girl/
I study the brain.
Words: what fires together wires together. Yes And. Reward self for the small accomplishments. Train the brain. Celebrate the small steps to build self confidence.
MY code for living with self compassion:
1. It is hard to feel content when I feel so much____________ { self pity, fear, anger, envy,etc}
2. Everyone feels ____________sometimes. I am no different. I am not alone.
3. What, if anything, does it make sense for me to do in this given situation to feel content?
4. Get out of my head and do it.}
When we skip the step of accepting what is as it is, resistance naturally occurs until we do accept. Thinking expands the resistance and the misery.
THE SEED NEVER SEES THE TREE.
And I left out one piece which really feels good. I wrap my loving arms around my shoulders until one hand is clasped behind my own neck. I hold my shoulders and neck and I send all the love I can muster throughout my Being from my Being. It really does work to make me feel comforted and, luckily for you, no words are required.
Love and Power to you, Barbara, whose seed is opening as her sense of self is fading.
What you’re experiencing, Barbara, goes deep, finding balance after losing a dear companion with whom you shared so much — intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. How hard can it be? Very. Take your time and know that I love you.
Grief … another of the dark passengers who walk with us just beyond words, just beyond the light. Know that I love you too … and you are not alone.
It is a test. Clearly, you are immersed in your humanity, embracing your perceived vulnerabilities, insecurities and lack of confidence.
The truth is that you are a giant of humanity who has an extremely bright light to shine when you desire. Your sense of self is solid and your character is tough and strong.
Though I am not familiar with your social circle, most of us know that fear of rejection at our age is virtually non-existent.
We have been told “No” (or in my case, “Hell No!!!”) in educational situations, workplaces, social environments and business, throughout our lives, so many times and for so many different reasons, that it bounces right off. We incur rejection frequently, all for being who we are and wanting what we want, usually for the right reasons.
Your brain and heart need no rewiring. You need only to decide the direction your life.