Death…of those we love

July 4, 2017 by

A number of books about death
have floated my way.
It may be the aging of baby boomers,
or it may be another coming out of the closet.

A culture that believes you can pull yourself
up by the boot straps,
buy yourself out of any situation…
finding out that Life has the last laugh.

Death will either crack you open
to the magic of each moment or
create scar tissue that
has no feeling.

Grieving is humbling
corralling you into the present
no where to go
a journey

you can’t control,
or even understand
simultaneously you’re numb and
more alive then you’ve ever been.

Filed Under: Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Love Tagged With: , ,

Sugar High

June 16, 2017 by

Never walk
into Servati’s
eyeing their
generous wedge

of carrot cake
convincing yourself
it will last at least
three days.

Denial does not
stop the calories
from going to
your hips.

It does not numb
you out enough,
you still feel, yep
you still feel.

It did taste pretty
darn good though.
A small consolation
to be savored.

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Life

Anger, etc.

June 13, 2017 by

So the anger comes
mixed with sadness,
numbing out the tears.

Stay strong, you can do
this, don’t show the world
the bleeding wounds of grief.

Overwhelmed by stuff,
finding the perfect place
to donate or give his things.

As if he would care.
How do you honor what
he put his life energy into?

How could he leave me?
I loved him so much.  But Death
takes no notice of such things.

This is the irrational time—
the feelings come, and I know
will go in their own time, but really

couldn’t they just leave now?

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Love

Change

June 6, 2017 by

I hit a space
where I feel alone
lost, cutoff.

I’m not of course.
Friends reach out
with care and food.

So where does
vulnerability
come from?

Did I over identify
with “us”?
Did “me” get lost?

Filling out the all
the paperwork
scares me.

It never used to.
Did I think he was a
talisman for me?

My mind searches
for an explanation,
even though I know

it’s only with time that
a new way of life
will be born.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Life, Love, Systems

A Bump in the Road

June 2, 2017 by

Overeating
Stuffing emotions
Classic case.

What am I avoiding?
The “I don’t know
what to do now?”

Packing up his clothes
Some say it is too fast
Are there rules to grieving?

Are there rules to what
a loving spouse does
or doesn’t do? How fast?

Not ready for crowds
Not ready to start
anything new, so

evenings are way too open.
Maybe that’s what the
food is trying to fill.

If everything of his was gone,
he’d still be here, curled
in a warm spot in my heart.

Remembering this I will make
a list….my list, taking it
just one day at a time.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Love, We are creators

Left Behind

May 27, 2017 by

Last night it hit
the sobs came
in waves

A neighbor stopped
by with a card
and the dam broke

The card was for me
not him,
my life had changed

I loved him so much
we were both at peace
he was ready to go

Somehow I kept at bay
how sobs and cries echo
in a room when you’re alone

“Who should we call
in case of emergency”
I’ll get back with you on that.

Today I’m resting in the
now of my life. not knowing
the next step, knowing I’m

kin to all those before me
who stand alone, aware they
were left behind.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

It’s Done

May 23, 2017 by

Now there is the
endless space
he used to fill

the endless to do
list to get affairs
in order

The mental fog
that’s either
life’s comfort

or the aftermath,
reflecting the
magnitude

of the quake
splitting open
the ordinary

So I buy his favorite
cherry tomato plant
I plant it

What else would,
could, I do

Filed Under: Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Letting GO

May 20, 2017 by

I was hovering,

Clinging, feeling
Guilt.

All masks for grief.
I didn’t want to
lose him.

I was holding him
back.

But love prevails.
He’s in my heart.
He’s embraced by the
Sacred Heart
taking him home.

Peace beyond words
descends.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators

Today is the Day

January 20, 2017 by

Words always compromise the experience we’re having. But we try anyway.Image result for inauguration day
What is being present: now, today? What is being aware, awake, fully alive? How do you experience it? What does all this mean in difficult times anyway?

TODAY’S THE DAY

Cheers erupt
in triumph.
Tears fall
in disappointment.
Fears hover in the
shadow of what’s to come.

But I feel a place
of stillness, just
Spacious Stillness.

From here I know
love in action.
From here I know
it’s only in our
wandering off
that we forget

we’re connected.
Mirrors for each other,
loved by the very Universe
we’re scared of.
Loved beyond our possessions,
successes, our failures.

Hell is not being crucified!
Jesus died in love,
connecting and forgiving.
He died showing us
how to live…
no matter what…

It’s all about the Love
you are, the Love that you can share.
the Love that’s beyond understanding.

Peace!

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, We are creators Tagged With: , , ,

Why Grieving Often Takes Time

December 6, 2016 by

The world is our mirror. Our unresolved issues are reflected back to us through our circumstances, our lives, and in others.  Lucy the cat…my teacher. She was one of our daughter’s two cats we took in until we could find homes. But two cats were one too many. Lucy was the youngest and most easily placed I thought.  But my conflict about letting her go was palpable.  I finally realized the reason:  she was too much like Kelly. So, letting go–well, it has been messy. One home didn’t work out, another now looks promising.
In the meantime, I’ve allowed myself to see again how things are always interconnected.

Lucy

Thrown outside, found
in a tree – rescued.
Abandoned by death
taken in  – rescued.

Still curious, innocent,
Still trying to learn
to be herself,
Explore, taste, hunt

Sleep on bed.
Chase off competitors
Somewhere deep inside
always trying

to convince herself
She’s safe
She’s OK
She’s loved.

Reflecting
“not enough”
I don’t know how to play,
to comfort the deep wounds

not of my making.
Shipped off again
looking for the perfect home
It doesn’t work.

Suddenly knowing
there is no perfect anything.
Just love, just trying,
and the tears fall.

Filed Under: Creating with others, Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , ,
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