When the world spins out….

Thoughts while obsessing about the the craziness, best-non-american-actors-and-actresses-5
violence, and suffering of this world.

Inertia descends.
I fear movement
Will crack

something open and
Things will ooze out,
Or worse, maybe in….

Occupy time
Wait
Become invisible

But it’s not enough.
Searching for answers,
understanding fails.

I know how to set
goals, visualize.
I don’t.

Trapped, not
wanting to admit
the world is shaking.

geesebesliter 11/1/2016

Needless to say, obsessing is not useful, uplifting nor something to cultivate. It does happen. I strive to notice its effect and then, move on.

I’m Tired

I’m Tired

A thousand sorrowsIMG_0947
Arrows piercing
No one thing to pull out

In these days of instant gratification
Grieving makes no sense
Malingering, grayness,
Being tired of it all

Just take a pill
Proclaim your faith
Move on
Except

It doesn’t work
And the sadness becomes an
Irritating backdrop
To life

I no longer really know why I’m tired,
Easily Irritated,
wanting “it” to all to go away
Politics, killings, crummy drivers…

Don’t make more work for me
Don’t ask anything more of me
Don’t get sick or die on me

–I’m tired
besliter 7/2016

Life doesn’t wait for us to be ready. It keeps moving and we sometimes have to run to keep up. When I’m off center lately it feels like I’m on the edge, ready to fly off….crash and burn. I can’t slow down and do the things I believe would make a difference: meditate, exercise, trust that there is more going on then I can possibly know and that love does triumph.IMG_0550

I don’t think I’m manic depressive, more manically depressed. I judge all this as abnormal. I want to go back to what felt like a normal state before loss, but I’m deeply suspicious that can ‘t happen. I have to let go of what was familiar and safe. And I don’t want to.

our shadow side

It’s easier said then done, to really explore our shadow side…those things within us thattree-branch-shadows-on-snow we’d rather not experience or see. But I’m beginning to believe that paying attention to everything that wants to move through us is key. Too many times we’ve been too busy, too vulnerable, too something to fully experience what is happening to us. But emotion not fully experienced goes underground; it drains our vitality, our energy.

A safe way for me to experience is to write. The process allows me to feel the emotion and let it move through. The details of the story aren’t important. But being where I am is. So, I let the words flow.

anger rising

Anger rages
decades old
too many apologies
for my existence.

Pushing it to the side
I run as fast as I can
ahead of the hurt,
the fear, the confusion.

Exhausted I want
to be left alone
No! to be held,
No!… I don’t know.

I want out of the storm.
Bargaining for love
I died  – trying to
get it right.

Now old feelings come
to haunt me
This time they
won’t be ignored.

So, I write…to acknowledge life, to let go, to be true to myself…one poem at a time.

I killed two butterflies and a Cardinal

butterflyDriving home through the country, a butterfly flew too close to the car. Sucked in by the car’s momentum, it hit the car and died. Miles down the road it happened again. I hated that I was a part of these fragilenorthern_cardinal_1, beautiful creatures’ demise.

Then, a few days later coming home from a meeting, a Cardinal flew into my windshield. The loud crack let me know it couldn’t have survived.

Stunned, I wondered if these events were connected;  a message from the Universe that I was supposed to understand. That to be alive means that at times we inadvertently kill things? That life is fragile? That I can’t ultimately protect the people and things I care about?

Or, maybe it’s that things just happen; what is, is? The Universe gently letting me know that I’m not always in control of what happens, but I can always choose how I respond to it?

At the end of the day I settle for compassion and a sense of awe at the beauty and fragility of life.   Tomorrow? Who knows.

I said, “It made me cry.”

As I watched, the tears came. It was a video a friend had sent me. When I told my friend I cried he got concerned, and said he wouldn’t send any more of those kinds of videos.

He thought my tears were a bad thing. But really, they were the kind that come when you ‘re caught unaware and, unbidden, your heart just opens. You deeply appreciate someone’s courage, their caring, their pain, their openhearttriumph…

This is very different from becoming distraught, worried  or distracted by another’s experience. This is about genuine caring: witnessing what is and not pushing it away, appreciating the human experience without getting lost in it.

Crying when your heart opens is like going through a doorway to a place where the “we vs. them” disappears. It’s true love and appreciation. 

An open heart, even with tears– it’s a good thing.

Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future

I am fascinated with the creating processHere’s a new book that I believe makes a major contribution to describing the creating process.

Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future
Leonard A. Schlesinger
(Author), Charles F. Kiefer (Author), Paul B. Brown (Contributor)

Today more and more of what we do involves navigating in unknown territory. Traditional planning processes that assume a predictable environment are ill suited  for what we encounter when trying something new or just living in this rapidly changing world. Based on studies and interviews with entrepreneurs, the authors conclude that the creActive process (their term) involves basically three steps.

“1. Desire. Find or think of something you want. …you don’t need a lot of passion; you only need sufficient desire to get started….

2. Take a smart step as quickly as you can. As you will see, a smart step has its own three-part logic as well.

  • Act quickly with the means at hand—i.e. what you know, who you know, and anything else that’s available.
  •  Stay within your acceptable loss. Make sure the cost of that smart step (in terms of time, money, reputation, and so on) is never more than you are willing to lose should things not work out.
  • Bring others along to acquire more resources; spread the risk, and confirm the quality of your idea.

3. Build on what you have learned from taking that step.”

( from Chapter One: What to Do When You Can’t Predict the Future)

If this feels familiar it may be because it is something we’ve all done. Understanding everything involved in the steps is still a challenge. You can order the book  by clicking here: Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future