-- a journey into awareness
In the whirlwind of change
Stand tall
Root in the Earth
Breath into your heart
Feel inward.
From this place
Open your eyes
And see.
When drawn out of yourself by another’s fears, the events, pain of the world, pull back into your own center.
Your gift to the world is you
Rooted in what is true.
Your inner knowing
Connected to the Universal Truth.
Cultivate presence, meditate, contemplate life, pray, dance, sing, walk in nature…..
Now is the time.
I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments
But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.
I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.
Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.
I’ve been too overwhelmed with it all to write, thinking it’s already been said, or it doesn’t matter, or that I just don’t have the words. The questions seem to abound.
Re: COVID19- What is really true? What is really known and what is still being understood. What’s politically motivated or self serving? What is freedom? Where do personal freedom and compassion intersect? Isn’t living in fear worse the getting the virus?
Re: Black Lives Matter- Somethings were too painful to watch the first time, do I really want to talk about it again? What can you say that isn’t more dividing? How can you stop generalizing to everyone in a perceived group? Do people really want to understand “racism,” systemic bias, our history?
And what about the creative process? I’ve been asked, “Isn’t focusing on all the violence, discrimination, white superiority etc., just giving more energy to what you don’t want?
So this may be the first of a series as I sort through my answers, letting the feelings flow over me and the thoughts swirl.
I’ve come to realize and value letting myself feel the feelings as opposed to pushing them down. This has been, and is, a major part of moving through this complicated time; breathing through the feelings, not getting lost in them. And being overwhelmed at times seems like it is part of being human….and, I’m realizing, that includes me.
I also know that I can choose to live in heaven or hell right now. When I choose to see the possibilities, the genuine care of many, and when I trust that love is stronger than hate and fear, I live in heaven.
And finally, I believe these times are sacred and we are being given an opportunity to sift through what is happening, work together in ways we may never have before and arrive at a place we haven’t yet imagined.
I hope you’ll stay tuned. I know I will. LOL!
I walked
this morning
bare feet on grass
numbing with the cold
Fall is here
less light to
wake me, less
to give me energy
The desire
to hibernate
growing stronger
with each shorter day
Seasons
Cycles of life
Can I pay attention
to the call of what is?
I’m noticing I have preconceived ideas of how I should be and of what I should be doing. Ideas of what is socially acceptable, expected, the cultural norm.
Probably my whole life I’ve done what I thought I should, what was right. Now I just want to do what is mine to do. Listening to my inner voice, not always have reasons to back it up. Trusting!
Cincinnati is the host of Blink, a light based art festival covering 30 city blocks. How can I not want to see what will undoubtedly be fantastic art? But I don’t. I’ve revisited my reluctance numerous times until finally I got the message:
Accept what is. You don’t want to go!
Questions drive me
What am I?
What am I not?
What do I know is true?
Moving away from
those who proclaim to know
I’m listening to a different voice.
One deep inside
that whispers next steps
demands my unconditional yes
reveals my deepest heartfelt desires
One demanding
I strip bare, stepping away
from my conditioned self to
seek the truth of where
my ideas have come from.
Examining the unexamined,
trusting myself, risk going it alone.
Our world is too much run by fear
too much by the conditioning of others,
the norms they’ve set, serving their own needs.
It’s time to set ourselves free!
What am I trusting?
overwhelmed with images
words that divide,
categorize, demean
pulling out of my own
dysfunction
what do i trust
whom do i trust
the world is filled with
pain, alienation, hunger
for not just food but
love, acceptance
looking out, looking in
emotional tornadoes
swirling dust
blocking vision
Only now, writing
do I remember
Focus on what is true
One Life, One Love
And know that Love
brings us through
lifts us up and ALWAYS
guides us if we listen.
In my head, my mind can’t figure it all out. Reading/watching the news is disorienting at best, painful at worst. The chaos, the push toward separation, excluding “the other”, blame, anger, racism, sexism, and more “isms” than I can learn. The suffering of those surviving floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, children at borders, that face of the woman hunched in the doorway lost, scared, hopeless…
Overwhelmed, my mind stops functioning. Fear starts to rise. My ego “i” can’t handle it.
I’m reminded I have to stop, go in and listen for that still, small Voice. The voice of God, Divine Intelligence, the Universe, unconditional love, Christ… I need to remember what is most important and trust it will lead me to right action. Trust….such a small word, such a huge shift in being.
I used to check
my calendar
for names:
B for birthday
AN for anniversary–
triggers to send a card
to remember
how our lives
intertwine.
When did I start
putting “D” by names?
It’s aging they say,
loss is part of it.
But knowing doesn’t
soften the sharp edges
of the missing pieces.
“God fills the holes”
“Reinvent yourself”
“Time to turn inward….”
But I stare at the “D”s
and wonder….
overwhelmed
by the mystery,
the fragility,
the preciousness
of Life.
.
I need you
to love me!
The death knell of
of relationship.
It closes off
seeing the other,
kills the curiosity
the joy in difference.
Needing hardens
the heart already
damaged by wounds
long forgotten
Needing is fear in
disguise, a spiritual
hole we look to be filled
by someone out there.
Accepting the loss
the familial love
we never had
frees us
Only then
can I love you
without demands that
you be anything but who your are.
I didn’t expect the anger
Memorial Day
I finally got it
I was alone
I didn’t like it.
I was surprised
thought I was done
moving forward,
instead was pushing
down what I hated.
Anger
irrational
beneath me.
I removed myself
slightly, from life
Denial can’t coexist
with life, pulls you away.
I starting dropping things
worrying about decisions
blind to the growing congestion.
Until I could feel….I’m angry,
and just let it be – no more, no less.
Experiencing life
simply as it is,
Enjoying the ride.
