Fear or Courage

Anger, etc.

June 13, 2017 by Barbara

So the anger comes
mixed with sadness,
numbing out the tears.

Stay strong, you can do
this, don’t show the world
the bleeding wounds of grief.

Overwhelmed by stuff,
finding the perfect place
to donate or give his things.

As if he would care.
How do you honor what
he put his life energy into?

How could he leave me?
I loved him so much. But Death
takes no notice of such things.

This is the irrational time—
the feelings come, and I know
will go in their own time, but really

couldn’t they just leave now?

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Love

Change

June 6, 2017 by Barbara

I hit a space
where I feel alone
lost, cutoff.

I’m not of course.
Friends reach out
with care and food.

So where does
vulnerability
come from?

Did I over identify
with “us”?
Did “me” get lost?

Filling out the all
the paperwork
scares me.

It never used to.
Did I think he was a
talisman for me?

My mind searches
for an explanation,
even though I know

it’s only with time that
a new way of life
will be born.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Life, Love, Systems

A Bump in the Road

June 2, 2017 by Barbara

Overeating
Stuffing emotions
Classic case.

What am I avoiding?
The “I don’t know
what to do now?”

Packing up his clothes
Some say it is too fast
Are there rules to grieving?

Are there rules to what
a loving spouse does
or doesn’t do? How fast?

Not ready for crowds
Not ready to start
anything new, so

evenings are way too open.
Maybe that’s what the
food is trying to fill.

If everything of his was gone,
he’d still be here, curled
in a warm spot in my heart.

Remembering this I will make
a list….my list, taking it
just one day at a time.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Love, We are creators

Grief

May 29, 2017 by Barbara

When a woman screams
during childbirth.
Does she need healing?

Her life has certainly
changed forever, in ways
beyond imagination.

When a woman keens the
loss of a child,
Is it healing she needs?

Loss isn’t a wound
you put salve on
and the skin grows back.

Loss is a space
A void that pulls you
into a reordering of life

Without him, who am I?
How do I spend my time?
Who do I tell my secrets to?

The cycle of life forces us
to detach, to remember
our deeper truth

To reach up or in
To reconnect with the Love
that is not dependent on form.

Grief is a mini death that
brings us home to anchor,
to remember what’s important

Grief strips us,
and then connects us
to each other and to God

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Left Behind

May 27, 2017 by Barbara

Last night it hit
the sobs came
in waves

A neighbor stopped
by with a card
and the dam broke

The card was for me
not him,
my life had changed

I loved him so much
we were both at peace
he was ready to go

Somehow I kept at bay
how sobs and cries echo
in a room when you’re alone

“Who should we call
in case of emergency”
I’ll get back with you on that.

Today I’m resting in the
now of my life. not knowing
the next step, knowing I’m

kin to all those before me
who stand alone, aware they
were left behind.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Will the real self stand up

May 21, 2017 by Barbara

Different identities
They rise up

There’s the fearful one
The controller
The loyal wife
The caretaker

All reactive
Ego driven

The Observer
says “return to
Center, sit in silence,
Listen”

So who’s Dying here
Who’s letting go?

His life ebbs
But mine is torn
Stripped as
mini deaths

Force me to Truth
His life, God’s life

One life, our life
It directs us,
guides us
If we Listen

How to stay in that
Knowing that flow

Is this my lesson?
His gift to me
Even as he lies there
dying?

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love

Letting GO

May 20, 2017 by Barbara

I was hovering,

Clinging, feeling
Guilt.

All masks for grief.
I didn’t want to
lose him.

I was holding him
back.

But love prevails.
He’s in my heart.
He’s embraced by the
Sacred Heart
taking him home.

Peace beyond words
descends.

Filed Under: Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators

Is He Dying?

May 19, 2017 by Barbara

Hovering…
What can I do
to protect you?

I see suffering
My fault
I’m not enough.

God’s. Plan?
Lost the bigger
picture…it’s too
much to bear

Find Center
Find peace
Go to the silence
for solace

I feel fear
of what?
Failing.

Can’t understand him
How can I help?
Not in control

Done everything I
knew how to do
Not enough

I’m not enough
What learning
is there in this.

Keeps you humble
The nurse said
Not my strong suit.

Dealing with death brings all the feelings, beliefs, fears to the surface. I try to witness them. No need to console me…it’s already changed. I’ve moved to a new “now”.

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Life, Love, We are creators

Words always compromise the experience we’re having. But we try anyway. Image result for inauguration day
What is being present: now, today? What is being aware, awake, fully alive? How do you experience it? What does all this mean in difficult times anyway?

TODAY’S THE DAY

Cheers erupt
in triumph.
Tears fall
in disappointment.
Fears hover in the
shadow of what’s to come.

But I feel a place
of stillness, just
Spacious Stillness.

From here I know
love in action.
From here I know
it’s only in our
wandering off
that we forget

we’re connected.
Mirrors for each other,
loved by the very Universe
we’re scared of.
Loved beyond our possessions,
successes, our failures.

Hell is not being crucified!
Jesus died in love,
connecting and forgiving.
He died showing us
how to live…
no matter what…

It’s all about the Love
you are, the Love that you can share.
the Love that’s beyond understanding.

Peace!

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Life, We are creators Tagged With: Heart wisdom, innauguration., Life, Love

What do you do with sorrow?

November 3, 2016 by Barbara

After my last post, I realized that I’ve still been waking up with a sadness weighing down on me. Perhaps it’s from bearing witness to the confusion, anger, and fear that fills the news and our consciousness.

Trying to sort it out, I sat down to meditate. I found myself doing something different. I asked Jesus, “Were You ever sad? I know you were angry, I know you were scared..but sad?”

The answer came: “My Mother was sad.” And, I felt her.

She knew sadness.
How pointless it all can seem.
How powerless we can be to stop it.

“They know not what they do”

The nurturing Divine Mother, who understands her children only too well.

Destroyers of life, beauty,
too busy,
Blinded by things,

Grasping for power,
Fearing loss, of
not being enough.

“They know not what they do”

Let our hearts break open! With nothing left to fear and everything to love, may we rest in the mystery and wholeness of life. Until then, we’ll push away, condemn, claim it’s not us, create artificial cracks in the wholeness of life. Until then–

“We know not what we do”

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Love, We are creators Tagged With: They know not what they do