Grace

May 5, 2018 by

This  poem/prayer came to me in my meditation after a struggle with that part of me that always wants to get it right, the “I’m supposed to be better than this…” part of me. Each line speaks to me though they aren’t words I would have chosen.

Receive!
Back strong.
Heart open.
No begging.
No collapsing in.
Grace flows.
Just because.
You are His.

I say it when I start to forget how blessed I am. I say it when I remember my intention to keep my heart open to Divine guidance and then to actually follow it. I say it when I feel myself start to physically slump, caving in on myself. I say it when the old “I’m not good enough” belief vies for my attention.

I share this as a reminder. We always get what we need often in surprising forms.

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness, We are creators Tagged With: , ,

Emergence

May 2, 2018 by

No longer used
his bookcase is gone.
Space waiting.

The futility of clinging.
Change
has happened.

“Peaceful Form” by Thomas A. Yano

Life’s flow
rearranges things…
Always creating anew.

The emerging Self
begins to surface.
Found treasure.

Filed Under: Choice, Emotion, Life, Love, We are creators Tagged With: , , ,

Between

April 16, 2018 by

Words don’t comfort me
My sense of self is fading
My mind stalls
Fear of rejection,
need for approval
seep out in the confusion.

I know this is a test.
Giving up or standing
in the truth of who
I am beyond conditioning,
beyond the fears ,
beyond the comfortable.

Trust ….I never used to
Now I do but still…….
I’m restless
How hard can it be
to rewire a brain? a heart?
a life?

A period of dormancy – a seed waiting:
“It turns out that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grow into a hundred-year-old tree: there are only ways that work and ways that do not.

A seed knows how to wait. Most seeds wait for at least a year before starting to grow; a cherry seed can wait for a hundred years with no problem. What exactly each seed is waiting for is known only to that seed. Some unique trigger-combination of temperature-moisture-light and many other things is required to convince a seed to jump off the deep end and take its chance—to take its one and only chance to grow…

…When you are in the forest, for every tree that you see, there are at least a hundred more trees waiting in the soil, alive and fervently wishing to be…
from “Lab Girl “ by Hope Jehren

 

Thanks to Improvised Life for this reminder: https://www.improvisedlife.com/2016/06/13/the-secret-treasure-within-lab-girl/

Filed Under: Choice, Fear or Courage, Life, We are creators

Nine months

March 3, 2018 by

In some traditions
Nine is completion.
For the Hebrews
nine is a symbol of truth.
When multiplied, nine
always reproduces itself.

For me, nine has meant
a shift…to what I don’t know.
But something has changed.
I still want him beside me,
so much I can feel him.
He grows inside me.

Still, something has changed,
beyond my knowing.
I stay alert for clues, seek
guidance in the mundane
listen to the whispers of truth
floating on the wind.

Alert, aware, curious
nine months makes a baby
nine months ends a cycle
opening to what is and
what is to come –
nine, the number of magic.

You can feel a shift before you can define it or understand it. I’ve learned when you feel, the key is to pay attention. Stay in the heart/body, away from your head. What a strange journey life is. How unpredictable is the way grief unfolds and shape shifts. And how mystical is rebirth.

Source: https://mysticalnumbers.com/number-9/

Filed Under: Life, Love, Steps, We are creators

Garage Door Windows or not?

February 26, 2018 by

Sometimes windows aren’t
just windows.
It’s the choice between
seeing out
vs. closing out
Feeling safe
vs. warding off prying eyes
Light
vs. dark.

Simple decisions sometimes aren’t.

Living unafraid
vs. being prudent
Going for it
vs. the right decision
Fear
vs. ……

Symbols reflect values.
Embracing life
rejoicing in the world as it is
seeing all of it…
Windows will win out.

Filed Under: Fear or Courage, Heart's wisdom, Intention, Life

Reminders

February 11, 2018 by

I resist all the endings
the last joint tax return
vanishing the tools

fear that if the physical
is gone so will be
his memory that now rests

in my heart.
Not rational
but then fear isn’t.

It lays under
the ordinaries of life
as you work to move on,

Reminding you
life will never
be the same.

Filed Under: Emotion, Life, Steps

Yearning

January 31, 2018 by

Thoughts of you
love, intense fire
missing you
until I remember
the deeper truth.

I carry that love,
your reflection of
the sacred
in that small space
in my heart, my soul.

You now connect me
when I forget who I am
forget who we all are
my connection to Source
our connection forever.

 

Note: formerly published at Medium in response to a writing prompt:
https://medium.com/intricate-intimacies/needing-you-cda9dc7be4ef

Filed Under: Creating with others, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness, We are creators

“Love will find a way” from the Dancing Princesses musical.

January 16, 2018 by

My New Year resolution:

To choose each morning to
listen for Love’s guidance
To choose to remember
the Divine in all of us,
To remember that
God does not mess with us

Rather we just get lost :
Taking in the words of others
Replaying memories that bind
letting looming fears freeze us cold.
Making judgments and comparisons
separating ourselves from ourselves
and from others.

Instead I choose to remember:
God whispers in our hearts giving us the next step
Saying “what’s real is only what is here now”
released from the drama of the past
and the fears of what’s not yet happened
Joy hovers in the quiet space of now
Play your part, let the rest go
Trust Me
Love will find a way.

I feel this is a sacred time for me. As opposed to rushing in and filling my time, I’m allowing myself to go slowly. To listen to what I really want to do and to not do things just because I’m asked or they show up. In a way, the project I’m dedicated to is my own becoming. The major shifts in my life over the past 4 years have shaken things up. And I’m realizing what a gift that can be. To life: its beauty, complexity and possibilities!

Filed Under: Choice, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness

Reconnecting

December 24, 2017 by

I was invited to join them for Christmas
but this family time feels too intimate
to barge in on. Yes, it’s me holding back.
Haven’t gotten my sea legs under me
to enter into new adventures with others.

Instead I’ll allow the quiet to surround me
Reconnect with myself
Find out what I do when I don’t have to do anything
Figure out how I can invite others in…
Yes…it’s time to reconnect with the one.

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness, We are creators Tagged With: , ,

Shame repressed

November 26, 2017 by

He had to go
for me to grow.
Sheltered by his love
Buoyed by his support

my own self doubt,
self hatred was repressed,
waiting to emerge
with a roar.

Puzzled by my pulling in,
my numbing out at night.
Feeling as if I didn’t want
to go on alone.

The self rejection had surfaced
muddying everything
I saw.

I didn’t feel worthy to be
held and comforted.
I didn’t feel worthy of God’s
love, of my own love.

I was the
seven year old
shamed
feeling lost and alone

and I got it!

Epilogue: I’d been getting the message from Joseph that I shouldn’t attache the love I felt for him, and from him, to him. That it was a reflection of the Divine Love we embody. My head understood the words, but my heart didn’t believe it. I prayed to understand.

I didn’t understand until I learned that what we repress waits for our attention and for release. The repressed shame was trying to get my attention.  I saw where I was stuck (yes, a seven year old) and I could let it go.  A feeling of peace I haven’t felt for months descended.  I am blessed. I am thankful.

Filed Under: Creating with others, Emotion, Heart's wisdom, Life, Love, Oneness
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