What’s the difference between trust and faith?  In talking with a friend recently, she referred to faith as the concept she connects with God. It got me thinking about something I’ve told myself for a long time.

Some background: I always thought I had a trust issue with God. I questioned if He’d be there for me, as I knew he was there for everyone else.  Feeling alone as a child, I thought I’d too often prayed to God and didn’t get an answer. It was a story I  knew well.

This morning in meditation however, I realized something different.

Faith:     1) Complete trust or confidence in someone or something;
2) a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on a spiritual apprehension [understanding] rather than proof. (from Merri-Webster)

I do have faith that there is something bigger than me, a Divine Presence who created the Universe, Who is behind its magnificent unfolding. So often in my life I’ve experienced grace, help that came to me when I needed it, something that seemed a problem working out for the best….    So where does this lack of trust in God come from? What is it about?

Trust: a firm belief in the sincerity, reliability, skill & ability, and credibility of someone (from my Newfield Network training).

My “aha” moment:  A child’s parents are like gods to them. Totally dependent, you accept much of what goes on as the truth about how the world works. Wouldn’t God treat you as your parents did (our Father who art in Heaven?)  It hit me that my trust issue was never with God but with my parents. Growing up, I felt I wasn’t enough….I gained favor through my accomplishments not for who I was (or at least as I interpreted it).

I didn’t trust my parents to love me with all my flaws, with my thinking differently, with my being emotional (seen as weak), nor with having my own way in life. I didn’t trust them to support me the way I wanted/needed to be supported at that time.  And, I confused them with God.

So even as my faith has grown stronger, there’s been this lingering notion of not trusting God to be there for me. This, in spite of all the ongoing evidence.  Today, I know my parents did love me the best they knew how. I learned much from them. But they weren’t gods.

So understanding the distinction between trust and faith has been freeing for me.

It’s allowed me to let go of a story I’ve lived with very long time.

Grace in action.