-- a journey into awareness
What am I letting go of?
Not being true to myself.
Fear of being vulnerable,
of being hurt.
It’s easy to say this. But I’ve learned over the past year it’s hard to do. For starters, I have to really listen to who I am vs. what I’ve been conditioned to believe or what I perceive to be the expectations of others. But progress has been made, and it is time.
So this I am letting go of, and I’m opening to the new and what’s possible for me. And so it is!
“You must fight, take sides,
WIN!”
Join the drama….
The body holds me back
Keeping me safe
I don’t share I’m
not buying into the struggle
Because being happy in the midst of…
It’s not how “we” do
I believe it’s not about “Being Right”,
it’s about “Being Here,” breathing deeply
Feeling into my heart.
Relaxing does not mean not caring
Being happy & seeing the good
Doesn’t mean ignoring pain
Without my Centering Heart
My head goes into overdrive
Overwhelm moves into my chest
And the heaviness stops my breath
And then the world is a threat, others
Are a threat.
So, I’m learning
Breath, relax, trust
Become aware of my heart
And listen to the inner voice
It’s rooted in love and wisdom
It’s my hope and what the world needs
I’m committed to doing what is mine to do. My heart knows. I just have to listen.
I still feel like I don’t belong
and it always surprises me
I‘m connected to my back yard
It loves me and I love it back
I love people and I don’t know
why or where it comes from
I’m guided in ways I don’t control
The universe has many worlds
I’m not pretending everything is resolved. I am not asking others for solutions to what is unfolding in me. I’m experiencing my life as I am living it. I’m learning this is” getting it right.”
I see my own contradictions, e.g, I should stop drinking…and then I don’t.
So now, I’m noticing what encourages me to have a drink: sometimes it is because I enjoy a glass of wine, sometimes I’m upset and I’m numbing out, and sometimes I’m caught up in the expectations of others. I’m letting go of “how it should be” and I’m becoming more aware of “how it is”. It is no longer about a general rule or a “should”.
I choose to be free, and that means being honest with myself. It is being unapologetically me. It is only from this place of self acceptance and self awareness that I can choose more wisely. This is love.
Sometimes windows aren’t 
just windows.
It’s the choice between
seeing out
vs. closing out
Feeling safe
vs. warding off prying eyes
Light
vs. dark.
Simple decisions sometimes aren’t.
Living unafraid
vs. being prudent
Going for it
vs. the right decision
Fear
vs. ……
Symbols reflect values.
Embracing life
rejoicing in the world as it is
seeing all of it…
Windows will win out.
A recent post on Improvised Life highlighted the work of Kate Conklin, a performance coac
h. She asks the question: What are the qualities that make a performance extraordinary? What are the things that happen that make both the performer and the audience feel like they’re flying? …like these aeralists from Cirque-du-Soleil.
Well the answer, she found out was not just in the desire but in the work that follows. Deep down, what do we care enough about, desire enough to, as Kate says, “Respond to that desire and do the work to support that response.”
It led me to wonder, how many of us really want extraordinary? extraordinary lives, work, relationships….
Hard and persistent work in service of what we want is not what most of us want to hear. We want easy answers, magic pills, miracles. It’s OK but chances are it won’t be enough for the Universe to deliver the result we want….and without a shift, we’ll settle for mediocrity, for less.
So, I sit pondering, “What do I want?” Want enough to do whatever it takes?
And if nothing comes, I wonder, what is that all about?
Thursday. I planted the lovely little Red Chokeberry bush.
Saturday. I went to see how it was doing. There were no small white flowers, no delicate green leaves; just bare branches. The deer had dined!
All day I mourned the loss of this pretty little plant with its bird friendly berries. I struggled with whether I should replace it. Might it grow back? What would I need to do to keep the deer away?
Sunday. I began to think that this was a gentle wake up call. It was a reminder that I’m part of a bigger system, and not totally in control. There’s other life, with other priorities. A garden is not only about aesthetics, it’s also about lunch.
I had to decide what to do. Do I fence in the shrub? Buy something more deer resistant? Spray noxious concoctions to discourage the deer eating. Do I walk away and grow flowers? Somehow I think it is important for me to accept the fact that deer roam the city streets. We’ve not found a way to coexist with the wild life that inhabits our cites. Is this natural? Well, at the moment it just is.
I don’t want to do battle. I don’t want everything I grow to be fenced in.
So, I’m planting a Molly Schroeder Viburnum, less tasty to deer. This new shrub will remind me I’m not alone on the planet. It’ll be a humble reminder that I’m part of something bigger and that my desires aren’t the only ones that count.
Monday. I’m posting this. It’s one of many lessons I’m getting about the systems we are a part of. I don’t want this post to be a diatribe about too many deer in our cities. It’s really a love poem to the complexity of life.
Last Sunday, Rev. Linda asked if we were people who engaged life or people who preferred to watch it on TV.
I thought about the fact that although we are creators, most of us are lulled into amnesia by the
stress of life. Too often we don’t see the choices we make that wear us out and move us away from what we care about. Instead, we tell ourselves we “have to” (fill in the blank).
Click here to read a great example of one man’s realization of how he reacted to externals and the impact it had on one of the most important events in in his life. (from HBR Blog Network, Greg McKeown, If You Don’t Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will, 8:00 AM June 28, 2012
“The only stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking, you have to have a ‘what-the-hell’ attitude.” Julia Child
I’ve been taking a course on flavorings. Yes, a cooking course by the Kitchen Coach Randie Flaig, that was designed to
bring our attention to the whole world of flavor. We learned what makes up our perception of flavor, for example, texture, smell, temperature, weight & mass, memories. She showed us how to add flavor starting with the obvious salt, pepper and spices. She went on, showing us how to enhance flavor with cooking techniques like roasting, searing, and blackening; sauces like reductions and glazes; and special techniques such as repeating ingredients in different forms, for example, lemon zest and lemon juice.
I learned wonderful new words like “Umami” (foods which enrich and round out flavors) and the Maillard Reaction (a chemical reaction from heating certain foods that enhances flavor). But I learned most by watching her.
I watched as she would start with a vegetable or piece of meat or fish and add salt & pepper and maybe a spice. Then she’d taste it and have us taste. “What else does it need?” she’d ask. We’d suggest something which she’d put in, and again, we’d all taste.
Sometimes it would go in the wrong direction and we’d have to figure out what to do. She was clear that great cooking required continued tasting, correcting as you go, and having a “what-the-hell” attitude. Timidity didn’t cut it.
How like life I thought. For it to be interesting you have to experiment. For it to be fulfilling you have to give your heart to it. And as with all creating, you start with an intention to do or make something. You have to keeping checking where you are and notice when you aren’t where you thought you’d be. You learn to course correct. Sometimes you end up in a different place but one just as good or even better. And sometimes you just have to remember to keep a “what-the-hell” attitude. After all, there’s always another dish to make.
I am fascinated with the creating process. Here’s a new book that I believe makes a major contribution to describing the creating process.
Today more and more of what we do involves navigating in unknown territory. Traditional planning processes that assume a predictable environment are ill suited for what we encounter when trying something new or just living in this rapidly changing world. Based on studies and interviews with entrepreneurs, the authors conclude that the creActive process (their term) involves basically three steps.
“1. Desire. Find or think of something you want. …you don’t need a lot of passion; you only need sufficient desire to get started….
2. Take a smart step as quickly as you can. As you will see, a smart step has its own three-part logic as well.
3. Build on what you have learned from taking that step.”
( from Chapter One: What to Do When You Can’t Predict the Future)
If this feels familiar it may be because it is something we’ve all done. Understanding everything involved in the steps is still a challenge. You can order the book by clicking here: Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future