Moving

December 5, 2020 by

“Life gives us challenges and gifts
Sometimes in the same package
Teaching us what’s important
Showing us who we are”
(From my 11/26/20 blog)

These days it seems I’m being called to clear out old beliefs, patterns, emotions.
I’m not trying to dig stuff up. It comes and presents itself to me on a silver platter. I can either ignore it or bring it to my awareness and let it go. This often means revisiting things I thought I’d resolved or feeling emotions I didn’t realize were down there.

The Goddess

Last month I was given an award, The Gestalt OSD Life Time Achievement Award from The Gestalt Center for Organization & Systems Development and the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland Organization & Systems Development Integrative Study Center.

When I was told I was nominated by John D. Carter, my first thought was “this is a mistake.” When I got the award, I was overwhelmed. Then I was reluctant to share it very broadly, afraid someone would ask what I did to deserve this.

I stayed with this reaction and began to see a lifelong pattern of not putting myself out there. I was the woman behind the (usually a man) or consultant to a leader or team. I duck complements. I’m not a graceful receiver. I fear being seen, I fear being rejected, being put down.

Recently, I volunteered to be lead host for a meeting. I drafted a design and with two others, we made it happen. But I noticed when one of my co-hosts gave me credit, I ducked and was uncomfortable. Then I got it….I didn’t feel strong in myself. I was afraid of what others would say.

It’s changing now. I’m beginning to appreciate my gifts and to value myself. I got there by acknowledging the fear of rejection, of being hurt, underneath this pattern.

I stayed with, and felt the fear until it diminished. I feel lighter.

I encourage everyone to pay attention. The Universe is giving us gifts left and right. Feel your feelings, notice your thoughts. Let go of what is no longer serving you. It’s a great way to be open to what a new year might bring.

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A Prayer

November 5, 2020 by

To have presence of mind
The keen awareness of what is
without prejudice, distortion or fear
So right action can emerge
Light showing the way

(Poem originally published in Chalkboard in response to Bindu Lamba’s Chalkboard prompt “presence”.)

In today’s maelstrom of politics and COVID, I keep reminding myself to avoid drama, judgmental accusations and “worse case” scenarios. To stay present in my heart-mind, listening for the higher truth trying to come through. To be content with not knowing and to act in service of the higher good. This is my goal and and my prayer.

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Tomorrow is one of those days….

November 2, 2020 by

What will you surround yourself with?
Will you notice when fear starts to take hold?
Notice when anger starts to erode your peace?

This moment is all you have.
Breathe and look for the good.
Breathe and be thankful you can.

If love is all there is
If love is stronger then hate
then love will find a way no matter what.

Tomorrow is going to be a nonstop media circus, and it may go on for days.
Now is the time for each of us to decide how we want to live, how we want to experience this precious life we’ve been given.

We might as well consciously choose to accept “what is” because worry, anger, or fear won’t change it. Once we accept what is, we can choose how we want to respond.

We can choose peace. We can figure out what it really means to choose love. We can focus on what’s most important to us and embody it. It’s time.


” May love move me to co-create freedom and well-being for all.” from bell hooks

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A Way Through*

October 23, 2020 by
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Like a rusty hinge
the news these days grates
It needs an oil of acceptance
mixed with an ounce of heart
seeing possibilities
instead of apocalypse.

  • Thanks to Robert Faron on Chalkboard for this prompt of “rust.”
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ECHO*

October 17, 2020 by

Do I blindly send back
what comes to me ?
One breath,
Sinking into
my own depths
I stop the
transmission.

It’s hard these days not to react. Sometimes it’s the news. Or, maybe you just got that post on Facebook. Sometimes it’s just what a friend or family member says with such certainty. Our reaction is quick: maybe a feeling of hurt, anger, or fear. Our thoughts go to judgment, defense, self righteousness, rationalization.

Can we really believe these times are a blessing? I believe it’s a time to really experience the world around us. And, instead of getting upset, learning to go deeper. Learning to listen to the deeper wisdom of our hearts as to why we are here, why we are experiencing what we are. Learning to experience the Love that is constantly creating this incredible world around us.

I’m learning to pay attention to my heart while experiencing life. Learning to ask questions and to wait. I let the Light (God, Divine Presence, inner knowing…) come to me when I’m centered and listening. And, I’m aware when I’m pulled back into the thinking mind. The mind that’s been conditioned by all that came before me and by all the conditioning that started the moment I was born. A mind that serves me but doesn’t understand and can’t experience the truth of who I am.

This is not an easy process. My mind is strong, my fears can still be great. But I am coming to trust that as I become more aware, I really can see the world through Light of Love. Love is stronger than hate. I’m blessed to be living at a time when I’m knocked out of my comfort zone.

*Inspired by Medium’s Chalkboard prompt “Echo” by Richard L. Boyer.
9/27/20

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Not in Control

September 11, 2020 by

I don’t control the seasons,
but I’m not helpless.
I walk on the ground with care.

I felt lost in sadness and almost a despair these last few days. And then this morning, when I was meditating, this poem came. Not being in control doesn’t mean I’m helpless.

A friend told me how great these times were because it was a chance to practice what we believe. In the midst of all the chaos and negativity, I can choose what I focus on, what I want to embody, how I want to be in the world.

If in this moment I can be fully present…. right action will follow.

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My Shot

September 9, 2020 by

Now when I don’t hear from you I worry
I used to think you were just busy
or maybe out of town or really
just having a great time

Now, is it COVID?
is the isolation starting to depress you?
were you shot during a peaceful protest?
are you running away from the toxic news?

I can’t assume you’ll be here tomorrow
so forgive me if I seem to pester you
nothing can be taken for granted
and the truth is, I love you

Social Media gives anyone a forum to voice their opinions as truth and to dare others to disagree. Fear and violence are repeated by the news until it seems the norm. My challenge is to notice when I’m being pulled under, and to shift my focus.

I believe acting in love is stronger than hate and fear. I know peace is mine if I choose it. This is mine to do.

“I’m not throwing away my shot.” from Hamilton

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Reunion…and then there’s people

September 4, 2020 by

REUNION

Letting go of others’
expectations and beliefs
I’m finally coming
home to my self.

Poem written in response to the Chalkboard prompt “reunion” by Chris Coolsma. 9.3.20

And then there’s people.* That relationship, the one that leaves you wanting a glass of wine or two or three.

The problem with “coming” is you aren’t there yet. You’re in that in-between space where you aren’t where you were, but you haven’t arrived to that place where you fly consistently from you inner guidance.

When I arrive, I believe I’ll be able to be with others without judgment, without defense. I resist the idea that I may move on and leave them. Why? Is it fear of being alone? Self-judgement because I should be able to hang with anyone? I mean Jesus did, didn’t He?

Maybe I’m not accepting others where they are, maybe I’m still trying to tweak them just enough so there’s no rub. Maybe, maybe, maybe….

Awash in “maybes,” I’m going to stop, breath and accept the not knowing. Get out of my head and trust it’s just the way it is right now. I know if I’m to see something or to do something, it will come to me. I just keep forgetting.

*no this isn’t you.

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“You think like a man”

August 24, 2020 by

A patriarchal figure head
A father figure
Someone I trusted
It was a sexist thing to say
but I had to work to get there

Work through my rage
work through my hurt
work through “I’m not enough”
yet again

I am a woman
I think like me
not like all other women
not like your stereotype

Stop defining us , confining us
in the cage of your mind
Start seeing me
standing in front of you
me, as I am

Because from now on
that’s all I’m willing to be
Content with my uniqueness
me as I AM

besliter 8/24/20

I wrote this in response to what was said to me by someone I trusted. The gift given was the opportunity to work through my triggers…to set myself free.

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What’s in a sign?

July 28, 2020 by

It’s only a sign!
Why put it out?
Who will even see it
in my cul-de-sac?

I don’t want to forget…
get sidetracked by extremism.

It’s only a sign!
it won’t save lives
it won’t change policy
it won’t heal wounds

But it is a truth…
I don’t want to forget.

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