I’m Tired
A thousand sorrows
Arrows piercing
No one thing to pull out
In these days of instant gratification
Grieving makes no sense
Malingering, grayness,
Being tired of it all
Just take a pill
Proclaim your faith
Move on
Except
It doesn’t work
And the sadness becomes an
Irritating backdrop
To life
I no longer really know why I’m tired,
Easily Irritated,
wanting “it” to all to go away
Politics, killings, crummy drivers…
Don’t make more work for me
Don’t ask anything more of me
Don’t get sick or die on me
–I’m tired
besliter 7/2016
Life doesn’t wait for us to be ready. It keeps moving and we sometimes have to run to keep up. When I’m off center lately it feels like I’m on the edge, ready to fly off….crash and burn. I can’t slow down and do the things I believe would make a difference: meditate, exercise, trust that there is more going on then I can possibly know and that love does triumph.
I don’t think I’m manic depressive, more manically depressed. I judge all this as abnormal. I want to go back to what felt like a normal state before loss, but I’m deeply suspicious that can ‘t happen. I have to let go of what was familiar and safe. And I don’t want to.
God Bless You, Barb. I do not think you are abnormal, you are grieving. Grief is a weird thing. It is different for everyone. It comes in waves, and it takes however long it takes. Kelly’s loss is still very fresh. I know that you will be very good and gentle with yourself to the best of your ability. I care about you.
Thanks Linda.
Thanks for being honest. I know how you feel, though my tiredness was not from a deep loss. Or maybe it was. There is a great ED poem about loss.
They say that “time assuages”–
Time never did assuage–
An actual suffering strengthens
As Sinews do, with age–
Time is a Test of Trouble
But not a remedy–
If such it prove, it prove too
There was no Malady–
There are many kinds of losses Jenny. I think you have had losses…the move alone was such.
Hugs…
I am writing about grieving, too, this morning.
I have been tuning into you and I can feel the stagnation in your body down here in Kentucky. I like your words, Barbara. You speak in essential oils like rosemary and patchouli and peppermint. I have gotten some relief today by being silent with my feelings and listening to music and writing what I heard coming up out of me. I cried and felt what I felt until the” felting” went away.
I am not asking you to do anything.
What occurred to me when I read your beautiful writing today is this: ” I bet she is at the cliff and is about to fly away free.”
I bet she is finding her mind instead of losing it. I bet she is cracking out instead of cracking up. I believe her guts are turning into soup and she is a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.” I am inspirit with you NOW and will carry you around in my heart for a few days and nights. You will find light in your heart within that time. You will find peace of mind. Judgement is resistance. I love you as you are.
In response to the emotional state, depression can be addressed with B12 vitamins, B complex vitamins, exercise of 30 minutes each day moderately, eating 5-6 servings of fruits and veggies each day, HRT including estrogen (premarin .625mg one time a day), watching funny movies and belly-laughing, taking one Krill oil tablet a day, getting into a group with common interests and sitting/talking with them.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL AFTER YOU ARE FEELING BETTER?
HOW DO YOU WANT OT LOOK AFTER YOU HAVE GOTTEN TO FEELING BETTER?
WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO NOTICE THAT YOU ARE FEELING BETTER?
WHAT WILL THEY NOTICE ABOUT YOU THAT IS DIFFERENT?
Nothing to do. Just choices one might chose to consider. I do not know what is best for another. I want what is best for you.