Hovering…
What can I do
to protect you?
I see suffering
My fault
I’m not enough.
God’s. Plan?
Lost the bigger
picture…it’s too
much to bear
Find Center
Find peace
Go to the silence
for solace
I feel fear
of what?
Failing.
Can’t understand him
How can I help?
Not in control
Done everything I
knew how to do
Not enough
I’m not enough
What learning
is there in this.
Keeps you humble
The nurse said
Not my strong suit.
Dealing with death brings all the feelings, beliefs, fears to the surface. I try to witness them. No need to console me…it’s already changed. I’ve moved to a new “now”.
My heart to yours, dear friend.
Iam. I am. I a m. Humble just means on the same equal ground with all, not above and not below. Not greater and not lesser. Fear of abandonment has been my greatest fear as well as fear of not being enough to keep the other close enough to care for me. PING PONG.
Without trying to comfort you, Barbara, I want to say that I am in tune with you and with him. Joseph confided in me over one year ago that he was busy trying to find a way to die with ease and with dignity. I shared Dad’s dying experience with him then and again with you both recently. We are all dying every day. Dying to arrogance, dying to lack of consciousness, dying to fear of intimacy, on and on and on we are dying to the ego’s made up personality. Joseph would say, “I am OK and I really am experiencing some unusual things. You are OK and there is not anything you need to do to fix it.” He would add that it will go as it goes. I encourage you, Barbara to be present with your true deep down soft feelings and let them be expressed openly while you have privacy. You won’t be able to figure this one out or to think it through. You must feel your way in it through the darkness of your own soul. There is light inside you.
You and Joseph are of one flesh. You will feel as if a part of you is dying. But you will wake up and you will live another day. This will be great suffering which cannot be avoided but must be experienced by you and him as well. Then you rise.
I am enuf. I am. Iamenuf. UR. UR enuf. UR. Let it be so. Call me any time for any reason. I love you.
Suffering is a natural part of living. Trying to avoid legitimate suffering is a form of mental illness, actually the very root of mental illness. Be compassionate to your own dear self and extra kind and gentle. No one can stop another from the most natural part of life, which is death. The pain seems unbearable and yet it is possible with much love and compassion and holding the beloved in your most loving energy where he can be free.