Life Musings — Page 17

What does he see?

February 25, 2016 by Barbara

I’m waiting to leave for cataract surgery, left eye, scheduled for 11:40 am. The eyes are sensitive. Those of us who have not had to adapt to blindness, rely on our visual cues to assess what is going on around us. We look at faces to discern what is being communicated, for movement for signs of danger, at sunsets for just shear beauty.
So I sit waiting, and remember what I wrote when I first found out about the cataract last October. Post eye drops, I was sitting in the chair waiting for the ophthalmologist:

The Eye Doctor

Waiting, dilating, I wonder,
“What does he see?”

Is the the eye a window
to the soul?
Is mine covered
by a gossamer curtain?

Deceived by magic and illusion
Blinded by hopes and fears

We can be so sure, but
not necessarily so right.
We don’t see the same colors, yet
argue as if we see the same world.

The soul’s eyes do they
bypass the curtains of deception?

Still dilating, I sit waiting—
wanting some great insight,
at least some better eye sight—

and I wonder,
“What does he see?”

2015
besliter

Filed Under: Life, Perception

It’s my birthday…

February 20, 2016 by Barbara

My friend Cheryl texted me about her birthday. She was noticing that her age, the number ascribed to her by the calendar, seemed young to her now. She didn’t feel old, the image she used to have of someone in their late 60’s. It got me to musing……and this is what I wrote:

It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to….*

Will I start hanging out in coffee
houses hoping for conversation?
Volunteer at soup kitchens just
for something to do?

Will people see me in the garden
bending over – a cliche?
Or maybe I’ll discover my right
brain, another Grandma Moses.

Will I succumb and buy some
plastic surgeon his next BMW?
Or, will I just relax,
surrendering to each moment?

Do what I’m doing but with
a little more awareness.
Slow down enough to
really taste my food.

Feel the sun on my skin.
And maybe wear what
I want simply because
I feel good in it.

Birthdays are reminders.
That it is our life to live,
and to notice when we try
to live someone else’s.

It’s my birthday and
I’ll cry if I want to….
my tears will not be of sorrow
but for the joy of being me.

*adapted from:
“It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you.”
sung by Lesley Gore – It’s My Party

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: birthday, Heart, Life

our shadow side

February 9, 2016 by Barbara

It’s easier said then done, to really explore our shadow side…those things within us that we’d rather not experience or see. But I’m beginning to believe that paying attention to everything that wants to move through us is key. Too many times we’ve been too busy, too vulnerable, too something to fully experience what is happening to us. But emotion not fully experienced goes underground; it drains our vitality, our energy.

A safe way for me to experience is to write. The process allows me to feel the emotion and let it move through. The details of the story aren’t important. But being where I am is. So, I let the words flow.

anger rising

Anger rages
decades old
too many apologies
for my existence.

Pushing it to the side
I run as fast as I can
ahead of the hurt,
the fear, the confusion.

Exhausted I want
to be left alone
No! to be held,
No!… I don’t know.

I want out of the storm.
Bargaining for love
I died – trying to
get it right.

Now old feelings come
to haunt me
This time they
won’t be ignored.

So, I write…to acknowledge life, to let go, to be true to myself…one poem at a time.

Filed Under: Emotion Tagged With: anger, emotion, Life, vitality

The earth is shaking, rejoice…

January 22, 2016 by Barbara

You are on the cusp of change. Do you make that job shift? Do you sell the house? Can you envision living without them? Retirement becomes a reality; work receding into the background. The stock market once again prunes the money tree you thought would bear you fruit.

The unknown looms ahead.

At times like this, it’s good to be reminded that life isn’t something we lockstep through. Security and predictability are perhaps not meant to be.

XXIX
Traveler, there is no path.
The path is made by walking.

Traveller, the path is your tracks
And nothing more.
Traveller, there is no path
The path is made by walking.
By walking you make a path
And turning, you look back
At a way you will never tread again
Traveller, there is no road
Only wakes in the sea.”
― Antonio Machado, Border of a Dream: Selected Poems

It is in living life that we are blessed, engaging in the ultimate adventure. Life tests us, demands we grow, learn and become more. The challenge is always, can we be present to it? Can we allow the flow even when it looks like going over Niagara Falls, or feels like we might run aground, or maybe even worse, stagnate going no where.

Can we find the rainbow? Or, better yet …can we let it find us?

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Antonio Machado, change, Life, rainbow

Do you want extraordinary?

January 11, 2016 by Barbara

A recent post on Improvised Life highlighted the work of Kate Conklin, a performance coach. She asks the question: What are the qualities that make a performance extraordinary? What are the things that happen that make both the performer and the audience feel like they’re flying? …like these aeralists from Cirque-du-Soleil.

Well the answer, she found out was not just in the desire but in the work that follows. Deep down, what do we care enough about, desire enough to, as Kate says, “Respond to that desire and do the work to support that response.”

It led me to wonder, how many of us really want extraordinary? extraordinary lives, work, relationships….

Hard and persistent work in service of what we want is not what most of us want to hear. We want easy answers, magic pills, miracles. It’s OK but chances are it won’t be enough for the Universe to deliver the result we want….and without a shift, we’ll settle for mediocrity, for less.

So, I sit pondering, “What do I want?” Want enough to do whatever it takes?

And if nothing comes, I wonder, what is that all about?

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Intention, Steps, We are creators Tagged With: Cirque-du-Soleil, desire, extraordinary, wha do I want

How’s it going?

January 2, 2016 by Barbara

Recently Sally Schneider posted at Improvised Life about not knowing. She asks the question, “Can you hang with not knowing.”

I understand not knowing. Not knowing the MRI results, the outcome of an operation, whether an organization will turn around in time, whether our favorite oak tree will succumb to the Bacterial Leaf Drop… the list goes on.

I wrote this poem a year ago. It is as true today as it was then. However, there is a difference. I’m listening a little harder, trusting a little more, and importantly, more at peace with just “the next step.”

How’s It Going?

“I don’t know”
Not a satisfying response
Most prefer a polite lie,
Definitely more certainty.

But the small voice
of wisdom won’t
be ordered about,
has its own timing.

So when the veils
haven’t yet parted,
how do you
walk through life?

The sun rises and sets
Baby birds hatch
Trees lose their leaves.
Life in its rhythm.

Surely you too are part
of life’s flow, as important
as the field mouse,
the fallen bird.

What’s left but
noticing what calls you.
Trusting you’re guided
Always the next step.

besliter

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life, We are creators Tagged With: faith, Heart, Life, not knowing

Joy – musings

December 4, 2014 by Barbara

JOY

Bubbles up
Unbidden,
Riding in the car,
Sun, blue skies.

When least expected,
hanging out,
watching people…
It comes

somewhere
deep inside my chest.
I turn to look,
to hold on.

It evaporates…

So, why do I want
such a shy
fickle friend?

Because when joy
Fills me,
~everything else~
Sparkles!

This year I found a window decoration that says “Joy.” I had rejected the plastic renderings that said peace. Peace describes the absence of something…no conflict, no war…but for most folks, it’s a wish, stopping short of painting a picture of what could be.

I rejected the Angels outlined in white lights. Angels watching over us, hovering nearby to aid when needed. No, while I suspect Angels are hovering nearby, they aren’t reduced to two dimensions in my front window this year.

I couldn’t find a candle I liked. I love the idea of light shining in the darkness with hope. But alas, the ones I found were puny.

No, it was the red and green lights saying “Joy” that captured my heart. That elusive feeling that brings me into the now. The feeling that, when present, shows everything as beautiful. The feeling that if I try to grab on, to understand, it goes away.

So, JOY shines in my window, reminding me each evening to pay attention and notice what arises unbidden, to not grab, to stop controlling and just be.

I wish you all a bubbling moment of JOY!

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life Tagged With: joy, light

Shiva whispered in my ear

August 26, 2014 by Barbara

When Shiva, our sweet cat died, this poem came to me:

Love fiercely,
Let your heart break
It’s then that Life
knows its worth.*

I think Shiva whispered these words in my ear. She was letting me know how letting myself feel such love, even for a moment, is what life is all about. And yes, that means feeling the grief and pain when something or someone you love leaves you.

Love fiercely! Again and again. Life demands it, and you’ll have no regrets.

* Shiva via besliter 8/11/14

Filed Under: Heart's wisdom, Life Tagged With: Life, Love, Shiva

Can a chandelier do that?

June 6, 2014 by Barbara

We recently had the inside of our house painted. In the process we decided to take down the chandelier in the kitchen. It was left over from before our kitchen remodel that added an center island/eating counter. The chandelier really had no function any more. It hung where once there was a table. Now it was in the pathway of those who walked through, occasionally bonking folks on the head if they came too close.
We replace it with a recessed light. It looks great. We both love it.

For the next several days my husband kept saying how much he had disliked that old chandelier; how much he was glad to have it gone. After several days it hit me, on some level the chandelier had drained his energy every time he looked at it. He tolerated it but it bothered him. And what’s more, he had no longer noticed that it bothered him. Toleration numbs you out. The contrast when he talk about the new light was stark. He was vibrant.

I asked him where else he might be tolerating something? Areas where he’s pushed aside his desire for something because it was impractical or the wrong time. Areas where he’s “making do.” Often tolerations aren’t big things, e.g., a lighting fixture, but they are slow leaks in terms of our vitality.

What are you tolerating?
Either we love something or not; either we care about something or not. If you don’t love or care about it, why do you have it? Why spend your precious time on it? What are you tolerating? It’s may be time to let go.

tol er ate (Merriam-Webster)
: to allow (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc.) to exist, happen, or be done
: to experience (something harmful or unpleasant) without being harmed
: to put up with

Filed Under: Choice, We are creators Tagged With: choice, energy drains, slow leaks, tolerating

Choosing life

May 1, 2014 by Barbara

We are creators, too often lulled into amnesia by the stress of life.

We don’t see the choices we make that wear us out, that move us away from what we care about. Instead, 2014-03-21-4 we tell ourselves we “have to (fill in the blank).” We let circumstances, and the demands of others, control our lives.

Choosing life is about stepping up and making clear choices to do, or not to do, something. It’s being true to ourselves; to take the risk of saying “No.” And, if we say “Yes,” it’s staying clear why we chose to do it and doing our best.

NOTE: If you’re letting something drain your energy, my guess is you lied to yourself about choosing to do it. Try again 🙂

1) Make a list: Where do I need to say “No” ? What do I need to let go? (a hated project, old clothes, obligatory relationships, volunteer activities, jobs….)

2) Do it!

Creating Works: have a good life.

Filed Under: We are creators