Anger bubble up
Always a surprise
Why am I so easily upset
Impatient, annoyed?
The energy of days past
Losses I think are not
controlled by the Calendar
seem to have their way with me.
Once again I connect the dots
And let myself feel the
Sadness, the loss, the
Anger at having been left.
I’m always surprised that when it gets near the dates that my daughter, Kelly (May12, 2016), and my husband, Joseph’s (May22, 2017), died that my emotions get weird. I’ve been irritable, even swearing in situations that might have been difficult before but now seem absolutely “NOT OK!!!!”.
At least I’m quicker to see what’s going on. So, here I am, allowing myself to feel the loss and, yes, the anger that I got left alone. Silly? No, human. Grief is what it is. I’m learning it is not always rational, but whatever I’m feeling is ok…I need to allow it, feel it, not tell more stories about it…just let it go.
To life, love and all it’s crazy paradoxes and mysteries.
I’m sorry you lost your Dear Ones, Barbara.
It takes a while to get over things like this, and there isn’t much of a way you can do anything than just let nature take its course about it. And know that your friends are there with you and offering their sympathy for as long as it takes.
Glad you’re going with the flow and allowing, Barbara ❤️
With you 🙏😘
Know that you are loved and always will be loved. Grief is such a tough friend to embrace. Let Grace show you the way. I’m trying to do the same as I embrace my one year anniversary of my latest brush with death. Just finished my fourth of eight medical appointments. More have been added so will complete on 31st rather than 16th of May. You continue to be a presence in my life. I’m grateful. Love.
Dear Barbara, I appreciate your openness about the emotions you’re grappling with. And it’s good that you can connect them with the anniversary of such huge losses you’ve suffered, that you can name it as grief. Sending loving hugs! — Paulette
Yes yes and triple yes, especially to [what you taught me about] not telling more stories and just letting the feelings move into, through, and out
May is when my Dad was born. May 14. Cradle to the grave. I love him Feeling the same sorrow and balancing it with the bliss I’ve felt with him. I’ve sent you a picture from my meditation today. Love and Piwer to you, Barbara
Yes… just surprises every time. Not sure why we get so surprised – possibly telling ourselves (or assuming) we ‘should’ be ‘over it’? My heart to yours, my friend. Be gentle with yourself.
Sending love!!
Thank you for your candor, Barbara. There is both subtle and overt pressure in this culture to “get over” our grief. Yer, as you are discovering, each loss has its own unique timeline. For myself, I have to give myself time and permission to feel what I feel. Being human “ain’t” always easy, is it.