“Life gives us challenges and gifts
Sometimes in the same package
Teaching us what’s important
Showing us who we are”
(From my 11/26/20 blog)
These days it seems I’m being called to clear out old beliefs, patterns, emotions.
I’m not trying to dig stuff up. It comes and presents itself to me on a silver platter. I can either ignore it or bring it to my awareness and let it go. This often means revisiting things I thought I’d resolved or feeling emotions I didn’t realize were down there.
Last month I was given an award, The Gestalt OSD Life Time Achievement Award from The Gestalt Center for Organization & Systems Development and the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland Organization & Systems Development Integrative Study Center.
When I was told I was nominated by John D. Carter, my first thought was “this is a mistake.” When I got the award, I was overwhelmed. Then I was reluctant to share it very broadly, afraid someone would ask what I did to deserve this.
I stayed with this reaction and began to see a lifelong pattern of not putting myself out there. I was the woman behind the (usually a man) or consultant to a leader or team. I duck complements. I’m not a graceful receiver. I fear being seen, I fear being rejected, being put down.
Recently, I volunteered to be lead host for a meeting. I drafted a design and with two others, we made it happen. But I noticed when one of my co-hosts gave me credit, I ducked and was uncomfortable. Then I got it….I didn’t feel strong in myself. I was afraid of what others would say.
It’s changing now. I’m beginning to appreciate my gifts and to value myself. I got there by acknowledging the fear of rejection, of being hurt, underneath this pattern.
I stayed with, and felt the fear until it diminished. I feel lighter.
I encourage everyone to pay attention. The Universe is giving us gifts left and right. Feel your feelings, notice your thoughts. Let go of what is no longer serving you. It’s a great way to be open to what a new year might bring.
I’m so glad you shared this! Congratulations again!
Congratulations again. Fear has been a dominant emotion in my life and I am only now starting to delve into why I have been afraid to succeed and afraid to fail. I believe it goes deeper than being a woman for me…you nailed it with being worthy. I am and you are. We all are in spite of the messages sent our way.
Thank you, Barbara, for sharing this. And Wow! 🙂
Congratulations, Barbara!! Your goddess statue is fitting of you. I feel blessed to be able to share in this affirmation of your goodness. I believe it is easy to see worth in another and liberating to feel our own worth as well. When others acknowledge our goodness, it is like looking into a mirror. Love and Power to you.
This is lovely, Barb. Somehow I missed your connection to the Gestalt Institute–a real honor to be part of the Gestalt OSD group. I’ve somehow missed your posts on Facebook (will remedy that now) and only got the news with your Christmas card that arrived today. This makes my pre-Christmas/Christmas week even better (celebrated Sunday with Dylan and M’Liss because it was warm enough for them to sit outside the patio screen while we opened our presents). Your openness about your response to this Lifetime Achievement Award shows how you’ve “achieved” your life, being present to it in all aspects. Much love, Mary
Barbara, I am so happy for you that you received this recognition and award from your peers and professional group. It is an honor befitting the person others see you as. I am bowled over by your transparency and vulnerability in sharing how this had made you feel, and what you have learned. Because of your courage, many of us, including myself, can see my own fears playing out in similar scenarios. We are more alike than different as humans, aren’t we. May you continue to recognize the “goddess” (as someone previously commented) that you are!