He had to go
for me to grow.
Sheltered by his love
Buoyed by his support
my own self doubt,
self hatred was repressed,
waiting to emerge
with a roar.
Puzzled by my pulling in,
my numbing out at night.
Feeling as if I didn’t want
to go on alone.
The self rejection had surfaced
muddying everything
I saw.
I didn’t feel worthy to be
held and comforted.
I didn’t feel worthy of God’s
love, of my own love.
I was the
seven year old
shamed
feeling lost and alone
and I got it!
Epilogue: I’d been getting the message from Joseph that I shouldn’t attache the love I felt for him, and from him, to him. That it was a reflection of the Divine Love we embody. My head understood the words, but my heart didn’t believe it. I prayed to understand.
I didn’t understand until I learned that what we repress waits for our attention and for release. The repressed shame was trying to get my attention. I saw where I was stuck (yes, a seven year old) and I could let it go. A feeling of peace I haven’t felt for months descended. I am blessed. I am thankful.
<3
FROM THE DEPTHS
by me
November 22, 2015
From the depths of the stuff, something’s always coming up.
What we see, we believe, but our eyes, they do deceive.
There is more in the “Store” that was “down”once before,
When our hearts could not bear to see.
In the light of the day with acceptance NOW , we may
Take a look at the thing Time has kept at last to bring
Understanding that we might carry on the GOOD FIGHT
To be true to ourselves every day.
CURIOSITY, MY DEAR, OVERCOMES EVERY FEAR. TAKE A LOOK AND YOU’LL C.
Wisdom from the fish tank… Love, Lee Ann
I echo Linda: <3
This was so dark yet beautiful. Kind of makes me shiver…
Beautiful insights. Congratulations on your breakthroughs.