I was sad

I’m tired
I’m sad
I’m sad so many friends are seriously sick and/or dying
I’m sad so many politicians would rather destroy people than debate ideas.
I’m sad that we’re still killing people all over the world in the name of war.
I’m sad that we think you can win a war.
I’m sad that 70% of the women in Ghana are still disfigured through genital mutilation (FGM)
I’m sad that our politicians think they should impose their beliefs on the rest of us
I’m sad that CEOs make 200 times what their workers do and their salaries increased 13% while salaried workers only rose 4%
I’m sad that too many men still think they must control women to be truly “a man”
I’m sad that we’re destroying life on this planet
I’m sad that love hurts
I’m sad people are homeless, education is biased towards the rich, food deserts are real
I’m sad clean water, air and a healthy planet are not a priority
I’m sad I can’t always see the gifts I’ve been given
I’m sad because I still think I should be able to fix things
I’m sad because I don’t know what to do

I could go on, but I know I’m missing the whole truth
There are good people every where
There are kind and compassionate ones who volunteer their time, talent or treasure to benefit others
God, Divine intelligence and Divine Love, is everywhere in everyone and in everything.

I need to remember I’m not in charge of the Universe (thank goodness)
But I can choose to Love…have a reverence for all life and remember to respect the life in front of me
And maybe, the most important thing…. I can just Smile more

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Be Happy

It’s the end of August
Official month of
“It’s ok to say you are happy”

I’m not a “Debbie Downer”
or, in my case, a
Barbie Bummer

I stand for the right
To be happy in the midst
Of world chaos

I watch the sky
Pet animals
Smile at people I don’t know

Paying attention
I read headlines but
I stay with facts

Drama helps no one
Being scared and worrying
Changes nothing

Thoughts become things
What we believe we become
Where we focus we follow

All life is precious
I find beauty and
good everywhere

Peace is a choice
I ask and I’m guided
And, I believe Love will Prevail

SINGLE

A simple word, yet
It had escaped me
I’m not alone, not a widow
I’m single!

Freeing in a way I don’t understand
Not wounded, not left behind
But standing as one, as ONE
Connecting deeply to myself

Connecting to a bigger whole
I’m free to start again with
New interests, friends…
As I am now…single.

In conversation with my friend Lee Ann, she said something. She didn’t see me alone, I was single. And something happened. I could feel an internal shift. I felt grounded.
I was myself again, rooted into the earth, free to blossom.

It’s crazy I know! But I’m going with the feeling, trusting this shift is real. Another stage in life, a continuation of this incredible journey. Joseph is still with me, laughing I suspect and cheering me on. Love never stops even as life changes. And maybe nothing changes but me.

Still There, Still Here

I want to be accepted as I am
My sadness, happiness, anger
Should not shame me
How I am, not how you need me
Not your projections, not
Your judgments

But what if I don’t accept myself?
If I don’t feel my body, it’s
Tightness, it’s pain
If I don’t notice my feelings
Or ask what I need—
I don’t exist.

I still battle going numb, not valuing myself, not noticing myself let alone connecting to others.
I fall into care taking, performing, helping others achieve.

Every time I cycle through this, at the end, I breathe. I let myself “be me” a little more. And, I start another new day.

Birth Anniversary

Celebrate your Self coming into form,
Celebrate the love given and received,
It’s a chance to say, “What now?”
Knowing you are here today
because of all the other
birth anniversaries, and because of
all that happened in between.
The Birth Day followed
by all the Living Days.
Each day equally important,
propelling you on the path
called life.

I spent my birth anniversary (called a birthday) with friends, both in person and via the loving messages in cards and calls I received. I felt full, cared about and glad to be alive. I’m gently reminded there will be a Death Day. So I’m grateful for each day and choose to live it fully.

Happy Birth Anniversary! Happy Life!

Love the One You’re With

“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey,
Love the one you are with”
If you can’t be in the heaven you long for
Love the life you’re given on earth
If you can’t have the body you desire
Enjoy the one you have
If your loved one died
Let yourself love again
Turn your heartache into joy
Love what you have,
And, find peace.

David Crosby died Jan. 19, 2023. His death reminded me of all the songs Crosby, Stills and Nash sang, including “Love the One You’re With” sung in 1971 (written by Stephen Sills, 1970). Reminiscing about those times past, the advice in this song seems to fit a lot of things. Love what you have. Enjoy your life. Peace!

The Storm

The wind whipped around and through
The tree limbs followed, wildly dancing
Swaying, twisting, bowing

I felt Thunder in my bones
“Danger, go inside”
But in awe I couldn’t leave

Powerful, wild, alive
My heart was drawn in
Connected to this dance of life

This storm was trying to tell me something. In the chaos and tragedy going on these days, what do I see? What does my heart connect to? Is there always a choice between fear/anger and something more? Is there always beauty in the chaos?

I’m being told to move away from either/or, right/wrong, good/evil. Can I hold it all?

Tomorrow is one of those days….

What will you surround yourself with?
Will you notice when fear starts to take hold?
Notice when anger starts to erode your peace?

This moment is all you have.
Breathe and look for the good.
Breathe and be thankful you can.

If love is all there is
If love is stronger then hate
then love will find a way no matter what.

Tomorrow is going to be a nonstop media circus, and it may go on for days.
Now is the time for each of us to decide how we want to live, how we want to experience this precious life we’ve been given.

We might as well consciously choose to accept “what is” because worry, anger, or fear won’t change it. Once we accept what is, we can choose how we want to respond.

We can choose peace. We can figure out what it really means to choose love. We can focus on what’s most important to us and embody it. It’s time.


” May love move me to co-create freedom and well-being for all.” from bell hooks

Mourning

I want you to be Joseph
to hold me in your arms
and complete me.

But I know the time has come.
I must look inside to realize,
I am whole.

Joseph’s birthday is Oct. 12th. I am surprised at the sadness that has enveloped me. I deeply miss what we had together. I know that moving forward means integrating those parts of me he brought to life — the sense of adventure, my femininity, never meeting a stranger…

It happens — one day at a time!

Life is a journey of awakening, of shedding what we were trained to be, of being willing to open to the mystery of what is now and of what will be.

I am grateful!

The Trip Within the Trip

The psychic said I was ANGRY
I said I wasn’t
I hate it when I’m wrong

I said “driving” because we loved
to be on the road together.
I picked the hotel because it was
like the one we loved to stay at.

It’s his granddaughter’s wedding
He would have loved to be there
But he’s not….

Who am I angry at?
God? Joseph?
The fact is I still miss him so much
I can’t stand it sometimes.

Anger is not rational
Accepting it, accepting me,
accepting what is

I’m living my faith……
This too will pass
Keeping my heart open
Holding it all, even though

Sometimes it just hurts.

Enough said.